i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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