I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
