Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
