the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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