I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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