It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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