I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
