i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
