Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
