I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
A+ Viking dick
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
