I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
