I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
