You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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