Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
