Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
