My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
