The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
