Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i think my cat just said my name.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
