my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
