it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
