I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
