Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
