A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so that wasnt chicken after all
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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