Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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