Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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