When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
