just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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