How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
