The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
