Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
