Where are you?
In a non slutty way
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
