Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
