she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
