i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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