you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
