My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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