oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
