You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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