I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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