why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
