I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
