I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
