dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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