420 ftw
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
