Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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