So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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