Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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