So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
