the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
