i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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