if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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