I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
