I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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