Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
