a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
