just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
