i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
